Every now and then, a student bursts into tears during class. Often, apologies are plentiful, but I know from experience that it usually brings many good things. Crying is a form of release.
A while ago, it happened again. And afterward, I had an incredibly inspiring conversation with that student about self-love. This student was struggling with the constant “must do”: I have to do this, I have to do that, I have to be there for others, and it’s so overwhelming right now, and then I also HAVE to practice the Alexander Technique, and I’m not doing it, so I hate myself. I recognize that feeling so well!
There’s a lot to be said about that sacred “must do.” How we, especially women, have grown up with the idea that we have to be there for others, even at our own expense, and that only then are we deemed kind and good. How society forces all these “must dos” upon us because in our capitalist system, there’s no room for unproductive idleness. But what I want to talk about now is: loving yourself. Self-love is a money-making model in our society. You can buy it. A nice cream, a scented candle, a massage, a spa day: there’s a dose of “love” for every budget. Well, in my own case, I lie awake at night worrying about my bank account afterwards. That doesn’t really help with self-love either.
For years, I’ve been wondering: what does true self-love entail? It’s an important theme in my life. Accepting myself as I am. The way I look. The way I sometimes act when I’m stressed (not nice). The way I always push myself. And so on. For a long time, I thought that was it: accepting my uglier sides. But I still didn’t really feel more love for myself.
But since a while now, it’s starting to work sometimes. Feeling true love, for myself with all the bells and whistles. Truly connecting with myself and truly relishing myself. I received this gift through a combination of the Alexander Technique and Taoist training. Both have in common that they help you, at any given moment, within a few seconds, return to your body. To feel for a moment. And to let something, even if only a small thing, soften for a moment. Your eyes. Your neck. Your belly, your breath.
The beauty of it is: you can do this throughout the day. While caring for others, busy at work, running around like crazy. There are always, throughout every day, little moments where you can connect with that softness. And the more you do it, the more delicious it becomes. And that does truly feel like loving yourself.
